On Maui alone, there are approximately 65 weddings per day. Whether it’s the year-round warm weather, tropical backdrops or romantic thrill of strolling the beach with someone you love, Hawaii seems to be the wedding destination that dreams are made of and photographers love to capture. But wedded bliss in paradise isn’t necessarily all it’s cracked up to be.
Below are several reasons why you should definitely never get married in Hawaii.
#1 Not all of your family can afford to come.
For that one successful accountant cousin from New York or your best friend’s brother who just sold his iPhone app for a shiny million, traveling to Hawaii usually isn’t a problem.
“Only twelve hundred dollars for a plane ticket to Maui during Christmas season?! What. A. Deal. Aloha, exclusive American Express card that’s way thicker than anyone else’s credit card. Let’s put you to good use. Does anyone have champagne?! This is cause for a pre-celebration celebration!”
For everyone else, however, your wedding invitation to Hawaii usually evokes two kinds of responses – “Oh well, we’ll see them when they get back” or “GEEZ! Do they think I am literally made of money? I’m family, so I guess that means I have to go, which means I have to start saving money approximately yesterday. There goes that new silver Prius I’ve been dreaming about. I even told them I was saving up for a new silver Prius! Hope you enjoy my presence at your wedding, John + Michelle! I’ll remember this when my kid graduates from college.”
On the other hand, not all your family can afford to come. This could work out in your favor.
#2 Those that do come, will be around.
The thing about islands is that once you’re here, you’re here. And especially when everyone has traveled thousands of miles to celebrate your wedded bliss and the world is all love and rainbows and dolphins, there tends to be a lot of togetherness. A whole lot.
You may think reserving the same floor of the same hotel for all of your in-laws and family members is a good idea, but imagine going to college and moving in your dorm room and walking door-to-door only to find that all of your dorm neighbors are the same people you were trying to escape from in the first place.
One full week with anyone’s mother-in-law is enough, especially when it’s your own.
#3 At least one of your bridesmaids will be sunburned for photos.
Never underestimate the power of SPF, y’all. We know you’re dying to get that golden-kissed, oh-so tropical tan, a la Blake Lively, but not everyone’s skin is as talented as Blake Lively’s.
Mistakenly believing that it’s wise to relax by the pool the day before the big day, you and your lovely bridesmaids post up for a day of treat-yourself fun in the sun. You begin the day with good intentions, lathering up every hour or so, but after your third mai-tai you all figure your skin is doing good things on its own and the best thing to do is just let it be.
Speaking words of wisdom, do not let it be.
#4 R.I.F.E.E.S. – Ruin It For Everyone Else Syndrome.
We wouldn’t know from experience, but it’s safe to say that anyone planning their own upcoming nuptials who attends your wedding or sees photos of your wedding or has heard about your wedding will, perhaps, be considerably less pumped about their own. We’re sure churches in North Dakota are dreamy, of course, but there’s something about oceanfront weddings in Hawaii that tend to ruin it for everyone else.
Just tell everyone that a breaching humpback whale or unexpected rainbow totally interrupted your ceremony and attempt to gain back a little sympathy.
#5 All of your photos will look fake.
“Bro, you totally had that palm tree and sunset added in the background of your wedding photos. Haha! Good one, dude. No wonder your photographer was so expensive! Photoshop much?”
“Actually, no. That’s what it really looked like. We got lucky and had a gorgeous sunset that night. Amazing, right?”
“Bro, there is no freakin’ way that is real. I’m telling you. I went to Florida once when I was in middle school and it did not look like that.”
“That’s probably because it was Florida.”
“Don’t tell me what beaches and palm trees and the sky looks like, bro. It’s all the same. I called it. Photoshop.”
#6 You’ll be forced to keep it simple.
If you get excited at the thought of long, thorough meetings with your wedding planner, choosing from fifty types of Pinteresting lighting options and being utterly in control of stemware, floral arrangements and mother nature, a wedding in Hawaii might not be the place for you.
Your wedding planner is busy at the beach and will call you back sometime in the next few days. The stemware will be able to transport food to a mouth. The wind might blow. Relax, sistah. This is Hawaii, and we do hundreds of weddings a day. Ain’t nobody got time for a bridezilla.
#7 Even if you want it to be formal, someone will wear slippahs and a bright aloha shirt.
“Formal” in Hawaii essentially means not wearing a swimsuit and remembering some kind of shoe. Mumus, slippahs and a shirt with 11 different colors and tiny pineapples are all fair game.
So whether it’s your wacky Uncle Tom or your wedding officiant, someone will definitely be rocking some Hawaii-wear in a failed attempt at mainland formality. Accept it.
If you still insist on getting married in Hawaii after reading this list, we don’t blame you. There’s a reason we live here, and that reason is that it rocks. Mahalo for reading!